I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
It's sad that he has such a beautiful cock and doesn't know what to do with it.
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
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