shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
Randomize
