i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
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Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
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Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
Randomize