Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
my quiz for the book was only 2 questions and my one answer was sorry and then a sad face
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
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