Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
Hopefully the semester will be over before she has a breakout. Then I can just avoid the situation entirely
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
Randomize
