I want to have your abortion
Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
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