just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
he just fucked me for my cheese..
You just had sex during the movie Radio. This is an all time low
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
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