And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
:( I'm sorry!!!
sexual favors sorry?
absolutely not
my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
Randomize
