so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
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