i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
Is it really that bad? I heard it was like pooping. I like pooping.
I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
Randomize
