Dub. In the bra. Dub in the bra.
Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
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