he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
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