Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
Her life must suck. All she's got is "Miss Shamrock" WHICH SHE LOST!
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
Randomize
