is it really this hard to find a guy i can fuck and have a good time with who doesn't ask where things are going btwn us?
you sound like my dream girl
you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
They took my balls.
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
would you eat cereal with weed in it
who is this???
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
Randomize
