oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
Then all the boys were saying that they were amazed at how much i could smoke...i'm so proud of myself
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
Randomize
