did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
his name is devion and he has a voice like velvet and handcuffs
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
Randomize
