You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
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