his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
Just out of curiosity. Did you wait until my fb picture was well liked by others before liking it so people won't know we're fucking?
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
Randomize
