It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
Randomize
