someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
I wonder if he just picks random boners to send or just the realy impressive ones
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
Randomize