So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
Randomize
