We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
Randomize
