Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
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