You're a womanizer and a bitch.
I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
Randomize
