Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
Is it ok to bone a former patient who is also a client? Since it is two negatives does that cancel and become a positive?
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
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