yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
He did a backflip because drugs
Randomize
