where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
Drunk me commented on almost all of her pictures. My favorite one is titled "be as the sea". My comment is "cold, rough, large and letting anyone come inside you. you accomplished." Guessing I'm not invited to the party anymore.
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
Randomize
