ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
Half of elefante. Gelafin galaxy
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
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