I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
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