dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
well he is only 50 percent black.. but after last night i am 100 percent not going back
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
I'm filtering his penis picture so I can see it better
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
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