After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
Randomize
