just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
What a dumb baby whore.
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
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