a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
Drunk me commented on almost all of her pictures. My favorite one is titled "be as the sea". My comment is "cold, rough, large and letting anyone come inside you. you accomplished." Guessing I'm not invited to the party anymore.
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
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