after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
How much explanation does bbqsexapalooza need?
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
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