and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
soon, soon....
I don't believe you anymore. You're like the boy who cried coitus.....
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
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