if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
we did anal to Party In The USA and he busted to Firefies .. felt like we were fucking in a middle school dance
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
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