You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
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We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
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I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
We're too hungover to prance.
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
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