The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
Randomize