Yeah, we realized keeping you in a cage wasn't beneficial to us
No, veal is cruel because they chain them down, I'm talking about free range human babys here.
Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
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mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
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