i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
i just passed i guy i once let listen to me masterbate on the phone...nyc is not big enough
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize
