I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
Randomize
