So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
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