You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
Randomize
