God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
Randomize
