you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
Fuck appropriateness.
LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
Randomize
