Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
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