I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
so hungover. idk whos house or comp im on
Randomize
