The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
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