I heard Topanga got a DUI. I need that mugshot asap.
I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
Randomize
