I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
Sober January is a disaster.
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
Randomize
