my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
Randomize
