dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
Randomize
