you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
so my class lasted 15 minutes this morning because this kid puked all over himself..only at radford
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
E drugging s springing. Ease dnt Kate. To t e. ess e I meant thou.
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
does 2pm fall under the wake n bake category?
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
Randomize
