Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(802): View more from Vermont

he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him

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(321): View more from Florida Space Coast

Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.

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(650): View more from California

they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.

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(805): View more from California

we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home

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(916): View more from California

on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.

(1-916): View more from California

your optimism is becoming unhealthy

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(484): View more from Pennsylvania

You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.

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(316): View more from Kansas

This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.

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(734): View more from Michigan

Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that

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(870): View more from Arkansas

had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.

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