I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
This beer is not sobering me up at all
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
Randomize
