2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
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