I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
does 2pm fall under the wake n bake category?
Randomize
