I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
I still can't believe that I ate McDonald's off of my chest in his bed...
Cross faded me is not the classiest.
No not at all haha I wish there was a picture of that
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
Randomize
