we're blogging at a bar
can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
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