Too much gin, very little bucket
Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
We were destined to go to rehab together
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
Randomize
