omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
you have to choose: penises or morals?
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
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