You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
im naked on webcam to her boyfriend, but im playing neopets at the same time, so its all evened out
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
I checked into jail on foursquare
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
Randomize
