when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
He said I could stop sending ass pics now and just say hello. I'm not sure if that means he's no longer interested, or that he's a gentleman??
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
Randomize
