I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
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It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
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I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
Randomize