I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
I wish! That ended in 2001 when we all got collectively band from the Settle Inn. As a group we are also band from social events at the zoo. It's impressive really.
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
Literally had sex in his grow room under a plant.. ganja queen .
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
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