i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
We hotboxed his bathroom. going to be a good night
Hotbox went wrong - smoke sets off fire alarm. Firefighters coming
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