so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
Randomize
