my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
His car is carseat is compatible. I checked while we were banging in the back seat...
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
Randomize
