he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
Randomize
