The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
They are pre-gaming a trip to congress...not sure how politically correct the group is.
its like national bring your ginger to the pool day or something
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
Randomize
