I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
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