Just mADE A PArabola og urine
you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
Randomize
